And the days go on,

The past three days I think I've got a total of eight hours of sleep. I'm got too much shit running through my head, and I can't handle it. Another three days of getting my heart hurt and shattered into a thousand pieces is really nice(: I've never had so much sarcasm in one sentence before. I'm sick of boys and their stupidness, really. Most of them need to grow up, stop messing up their lives with alcohol and weed and just deal with the reality of life. Polluting your body with that junk doesn't make anything better, believe me, I've tried. The past few months that's what my weekends have consisted of, fucking up. It's nice, ain't it.

I love you, so much.

I've been watching my friend go through so much shit and slowly fall into a deep hole of nothing. I wish there was something I could do, but I don't know how to fix it. I love the kid to death. I can't help them because they won't except my help. All this pain they're feeling makes me want to give them a hug, but I don't want to give them all this pity love. A lot of people think that they're faking it, but I dont' think it's right to call a bluff on someone who is going through a lot of pain. I want to get them back to normal so they can feel better and I can be myself around them. I miss our conversations over nothing, and just hanging out talking about they're favorite bands and how they love to play their instrument. I hate how one person can effect your life so strongly, and if they don't feel the same way.. Your life is altered and you can't seem to fix it. I just want my life and their life to be the same as the good ol' days when everyone was happy. I love you, kid. I'm always here for you till the day I die(:

M e m o r i e s, < 3

I remember the days where everyone was so calm. Everyone had their high standards and planned on keeping them. Now, you look at everything you once believed in and realized you shot it down to hell. Drugs and alcohol used to never be around in this safe town, the town where everything is perfect and under control. This is a city that's supposed to be a place for lots of babies, and a giant family. This isn't the place for danger for drugs, for anything illegal to ever be done. You realize, even when you wouldn't suspect it, that there are people around you doing all sorts of shit. You realize they're smoking weed, they're drinking underage, they're running off to secret places to do only god knows what. You realize you've fucked up your life and you can't turn back. It's hard to find people with the same wants and need that you are feeling. You can't figure out whether or not you can just turn your back on the people you give a shit about and try to move on. The world has changed from the 70's or even the 90's. It's crazy to think that all I wanted by the time I was at this age was my first kiss. And I look back at my history and I've had my fair share of 'first kisses.' I just never would have pictured myself in the life I'm living today. I wouldn't have pictured that I would be surrounded by the people that are in my life at this very point. I love them all, but sometimes I wonder if they're the best thing for me. I don't know if I can just walk away though..

I miss the days when we used to be so close. The way I could talk to you whenever I was feeling down, or just when I felt the need to. I miss the way I could run up and give you a hug, and you'd make me feel safe. I miss how close we used to be. I hate that you left me for those stupid other people. I hate how you just dropped me like I meant nothing to you. Our friendship was almost as important to you as a penny in the middle of the street. You just don't care anymore. I just tried to fix it, I tried to talk it all out, but you just pushed me away. I tried to let you go in my life, but you kept getting mad when I wouldn't give you the attention you wanted. I'm sorry that I'm trying to move on, but you won't let me. Everything we've ever been through was a waste of a memory space.